All You Wanted
by Faramirlover
Summary: Sirius and Remus love each other but they're not risking their friendship for more in case it doesn't work. Until a friend steps in and points out the obvious. MWPP era. RLxSB. Slash warning. Not a oneshot. Rated for language and maybe later chapters.
1. I Can't Lose Him

A/N: I was lying awake last night listening to my music when this story occurred to me. I was worried I'd forget it but when I woke up it was still in my head. There was another one but it's gone. Oh well.

Disclaimer: The characters are JK's and the song is All You Wanted by Michelle Branch

OOOOOO

I used to wish I was more like him. Everyone loved him, me included. He could get any girl he wanted, not that he often exercised that power, and not that I wanted the girls. Boys are more my type. So apart from the whole gay thing, I wanted to be more like him. He's clever, even though he won't show it to anyone but me.

I used to spend so much time trying to be like Sirius and it wasn't for months, maybe a whole year, that I realised I was in love with him. That was possibly the best and worst moment of my life, knowing that I would do anything for Sirius, just to make him smile.

_I wanted to be like you, _

_I wanted everything, _

_So I tried to be like you, _

_And I got swept away _

I remember the first time I saw Sirius cry. It was a heart breaking sight. One night, when everyone else was asleep I heard him, a soft sniffling in the bed next to mine. Before I knew it I was drawing back his hangings and wrapping him in a tight hug. He sobbed into my shoulder, telling me all the horrible things about his family, how much he hated them, how much they hated him, every horrid thing they'd ever done to him.

I promised that night that if he ever needed anywhere to go to get away from them that he could always come to mine. That I'd always be there for him no matter what and, though he didn't know I was promising that, that I'd always love him. But he can never know, I can't risk losing my greatest friend. I can't risk change. I can't lose him.

_I don't know that it was so cold, _

_And you needed someone to show you the way, _

_So I took your hand and we figured out that, _

_When the tide comes I'd take you away _

There's something about Remus that is so vulnerable, so innocent, so pure. Sometimes I wish he wasn't. Then I wouldn't feel so bad about loving him. Because I'm not pure and I would corrupt him.

Not that he believes he isn't corrupted. He thinks that the Wolf makes him evil. He's wrong it makes him even more perfect to me. Every moon I just want to find a way to make it stop. To save him from himself. But I doubt he's let me even if I found a way to make him feel better. He shuts me out after every transformation. He needs someone to hold him and make him feel better, but he won't let it be me. He won't let me get too close.

Sometimes I wonder if he knows how I feel and is trying to keep away from me. Sometime I wonder if he hates me.

_If you want to, I can save you, _

_I can take you away from here, _

_So lonely inside, so busy out there, _

_And all you wanted was somebody who cared, _

Every day I fall more and more in love with him and all I want is for him to hold me tight and tell me that he loves me. But he never will because I'll never tell him how I feel. I'm too much of a coward. Too scared about losing our small friendship. The one connection I have with him.

Sometimes he gets these really distant expressions on his face and he just stares at something. Normally me, though he's not seeing me. The look on his face tells me it's some girl he's thinking of. I wish I knew who she was so I could try and be more like her. To be what Remus wants.

_I'm sinking slowly, s__o hurry hold me, _

_Your hand is all I have to keep me hanging on,_

_Please can you tell me so I can finally see, _

_Where you go when you're gone _

Sometimes I wish I could be closer to him, so I knew what he was feeling and thinking but I'm as close as I dare get because I love him so much and I can't lose him. And it's tearing me apart. Every day. Every single fucking second of every single bloody day. But it's as close as I dare get because I can't lose him.

OOOOOO

This is not a one-shot okay. I could be, but it isn't. Keep your eyes peeled for more. If you REVIEW that is. :D

Tell me what you think so far. Please.


	2. Play Owl

A/N: I am so sorry about the wait. I'm off school ill today so I though it was a good idea to try and update some of my neglected stories.

Disclaimer: JK's characters, my silly little imagination.

OOOOOO

Sirius watched from the gap in his curtains as Remus exited the seventh year boy's bathroom. A faded red towel was slung low on his prominent hips. God, how Sirius hated that towel. So much contact with Remus and he hardly got any. Sirius gave a small moan of longing and disappointment as Remus pulled on a pair of boxers without removing his towel. The towel was then discarded and Remus stood for a few moments, peering into his trunk at his clothes, hands on hips, his evil underwear the only thing stopping him from being naked, allowing Sirius a good opportunity to examine his body.

His legs and arms were incredibly skinny, making him look weak but a well defined chest hinted at the fabled werewolf strength. Sirius struggled against the urge to leap off his bed and trace the stark white scars the crisscrossed across Remus's chest and arms. Instead he resorted to biting his nails even though he knew that Remus hated it when he did it.

Moments later Remus was slipping into jeans and a long sleeved top, hiding his creamy skin and prominent scars from view. Sirius bit back a growl of annoyance. He loved Remus's body, especially his scars but the stupid boy was so ashamed of them that he covered them up and Sirius hardly ever got a chance to admire them.

After pulling a book from under his pillow Remus exited the dorm, humming a sad sounding tune under his breath. Sirius sighed in exasperation, flopping back against his pillows.

"You gonna tell him yet?" asked a quiet voice to his right.

"Shit!" Sirius cried, leaping up and falling off the side of his bed "Prongs! What the hell was that for?"

"Just a simple question," said James innocently, sitting down the edge of the bed.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," lied Sirius stiffly.

"Okay," said James, standing up and heading off to take a shower "Oh, by the way, next time, hide valentines cards you don't want to send a little better. If you don't get round to telling him, I might just play owl and deliver it."

He grinned at Sirius's horrified expression before shutting the bathroom door with a snap. Swearing colourfully Sirius began rummaging under his bed. Pulling out an old grey shoe box he yanked off the lid. Instead of a pale blue envelope with the name Remus carefully written on the front he found a hastily scrawled note.

_I'll look after this for you._

_J_

Not knowing what else to do, Sirius levelled his wand at the bathroom door and muttered a quick spell. There was silence for a few seconds before James let out a shriek of horror. Sirius smiled at the mental image of his best mate with long greasy hair, a pointed nose, spots and deathly white skin. He had known that figuring out how to make people look like Snivellus would one day come in handy.

OOOOOO

A/N: Tell me what you think. The next chapter is still filed away at the back of my mind but I will write it soon.

Review?


	3. Watching

A/N: I really wanted to update this over Christmas but between homework, food, presents and my mother, I never got the chance. I'm sorry.

Disclaimer: Do I need to write this again?

-OOOOOO-

Remus flipped another page in his book, surreptitiously peering at Sirius over the top of it. Sirius was engaged in a game of exploding snap with James. Sirius was the indisputable master of exploding snap and every now and then he would throw his head back and guffaw as the game blew up in James' face, singing his eyebrows and turning his skin from his usual tan to a strange shade of grey. Occasionally James would look over in Remus' direction, catch his eye and raise a knowing eyebrow, causing a bright blush to spread across Remus' cheeks.

"Wanna play, Remmy?" Sirius called across the near empty room.

James accompanied Sirius' comment with yet another raised eyebrow and a suggestive smile.

Remus felt the blush flare again, rushing up his neck and dashing across his cheeks. Not trusting himself to peak he shook his head and his himself back behind his book.

Sirius gave a small sigh of disappointment that only James heard.

"Don't worry, mate," he muttered "he likes you. I could deliver that card and then you'll see his reaction."

"You dare," said Sirius, leaning forward to stop anyone else from hearing "and I will personally show Evans your My Little Unicorn collection."

James visibly paled.

"You wouldn't dare."

"Oh, I would," Sirius said. Leaning back in his chair and pretending to examine his nails "you know I would. And I'm sure it'd help you to get a date with her. She's always going on about you being insensitive. Maybe it's time she learnt how sensitive you really are."

"But I've told you before, it's Peter's collection. I'm just looking after it for him."

"Okay," said Sirius disbelievingly "I'm sure Evans will believe you more than I do."

"Sometimes I think you should have been in slytherin Sirius Black," said James, only half insulting.

Sirius just grinned, his previous melancholy forgotten.

James scowled at Sirius and begun dealing the cards again.

Remus missed this entire episode, hidden behind his book as he was. He continued to let his eyes drift over the words whilst fighting the blush and probably would have continued to do so if someone hadn't tapped him on the shoulder. With an indignant squawk and nearly drop his book. Tilting his head back he looked at his assailant. Lily Evans smiled back at him.

"You're books upside down," she said, still smiling "let me guess. We on Black watch?"

"I do wish you'd stop calling it that. I'm merely observing a friend."

"Yeah, the day that's true is the day I date Severus Snape. Come on, admit it. You like him."

"I will not."

"Ha. You just said that you weren't going to admit that you liked him, not that you didn't like him."

Remus simply raised an eyebrow at her.

"Was there a point to you bothering me or did you just wish to disrupt my study?" Remus asked, attempting to surreptitiously turn his book the right way up.

"Don't even try and pretend that you were studying," said Lily, plucking the book from Remus' hands and tossing it to one side.

Remus gave a cry of protest that Lily ignored. Grabbing his hand, she pulled him out of his seat and towards the portrait hole.

"Where are we going?" Remus asked as he was dragged along.

He threw a look at James and Sirius but they were absorbed in another game and didn't notice him being manhandled out of the room.

"Look, Remus, I need help with something. And only you can help me."

"Okay, Lils, all you had to do was ask. You know me, anything for a friend. What do you need help with?"

"I can't tell you yet. I'll tell you when we get there."

Remus shrugged. It wasn't like Lily was one of his sneaky Marauder friends. What was there to worry about?

She pulled him along corridors and down a couple of staircases for about a quarter of an hour until suddenly she stopped and Remus nearly walked into her.

"Why've we stopped?" he asked, peering around.

The corridor was empty apart from a classroom at the other end, a secret passage only he, Peter, Sirius and James knew about and what was probably one of the many supply closets littered around the school.

"I'm really sorry about this, Remus, but it has to be done."

She had her wand out before Remus even realised she had moved and, before he had time to draw his own, she had pointed it at him and the world went red, then black.

-OOOOOO-

A/N: There we go. What do you think? We are nearing the end and now I'm getting a little more cheerful about it. Five (nice) reviews and I'll post the next chapter.

Review!

Please?


	4. Slytherin!

A/N; yes, it has taken me a while. I'm sorry. Forgive me?

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

OOOOOO

Sirius flicked another card onto the pile and waited for James to play his own. The game was starting to get boring for him. There were only so many times that you could let cards blow up in your best friends face without wanting to let him escape the embarrassment.

"Right," said Sirius, standing up as the game ended for the millionth time that night and he was left once more victorious and James was left eyebrow-less "I'm gonna steal Moony away from his book and we're gonna go-" he trailed off as he saw Remus' empty chair and his book discarded on the floor "where is he?"

"I don't know," James lied.

He knew exactly where Remus was. He had seen Lilly drag him off.

"Gods, James!" Sirius said, over reacting slightly as he was apt to do in any circumstances involving Remus "he left his book on the floor! Something must be wrong. Something's taken Moony. And we didn't even notice. We are such bad friends!"

"Calm down. He's probably fine. I'll get the map and we'll go find him. Just wait here."

He dashed off to get the map leaving a frantic Sirius hovering next to the portrait hole, waiting for his return. James arrives back a minute later, not at all out of breath, for which Sirius condemns him. _Does he not care enough about Moony to run?_

Snatching the map from James' hand he scans it, searching for the dot that marks Moony. As soon as he finds it, he is out of the portrait hole and half way along the corridor.

"Hey! Sirius! Wait for me!" James' voice called from behind him.

"No!" Sirius yelled back over his shoulder "you run too slow. Remmy might be in trouble."

James gives a small sigh of exasperation and follows Sirius at a steadier pace, knowing where he is going and knowing that Lilly will be able to deal with him on her own.

OOOOOO

Sirius ran as fast as he could towards Remus, his heart pounding in his chest and his mind flooded with worry about what could be happening to his werewolf. The corridor where Remus's dot was appeared empty all apart from Remus.

The thing that worried Sirius was that a big streak of dust on the floor had been rubbed away as though someone had been dragged across it. Panicking mildly (he was after all a black, they didn't panic too easily) he followed the trail to a supply closet and tried to pull open the door.

It was locked. After a few futile tugs, Sirius gave up and checked the map. He was right. Remus was inside. Sirius gave a growl of frustration and whipped out his wand.

"Alohamora."

Nothing. He tried again. Still nothing.

"Remus!"

No reply came.

"Black? What are you doing?"

"Evans! Help me with this door. Remus is inside and it won't open and he's not answering."

Lilly leapt forward and tried a spell but the door didn't budge.

"Right, Black. Give me your wand. It'll be stronger with two wands."

Without questioning her he handed over his wand and she cast again, face screwed up in concentration. The lock sprang open. Instantly Sirius leapt forward and into the cupboard. Remus was slumped against a wall, a small amount of dried blood on his forehead.

Sirius crouched down at his side, checking that he was breathing.

"Remus? Remus wake-"

Sirius's words were cut off as the cupboard door slammed shut, plunging them into near complete darkness.

"Evans! What the hell is going on?"

"Sorry mate," came the unmistakeable voice of James Potter "it's for your own good, you know."

"What are you talking about? What have you done to Remus?"

"Don't worry," Lilly said gently "he's only been stunned. He'll wake up soon. We'll let you out as soon as you tell him."

"Tell him what?"

"You know what mate. We'll be back later to check on you."

"No! Come back. James! Evans! Merlin help me, when I get out of this cupboard you guys are dead!"

There was no reply, only the distant echo of footsteps. Feeling suddenly inspired, Sirius delved in his pocket, searching for his wand before remembering that Lilly had it. He cursed colourfully before flopping down on the floor next to Remus. That girl belonged in Slytherin, she did.

Knowing that there was nothing to do but wait for Remus to wake up, he began doodling patterns on the floor, his only light the flickering torchlight that leaked under the door.

OOOOOO

A/N: Not a lot I know but I have major coursework responsibilities. I shouldn't have even written this. Naughty me. Review?


	5. I've Waited So Long

**A/N: **He guys. I'm so sorry that the final chapter has taken me this long. It's a bit corny but if you've ever read any of my other stuff you should have known what to expect.

**Disclaimer**: What do you think?

**Word count: **1021

**OOOOOO**

It was dark.

That was all Remus could think. Even when he opened his eyes it remained cold.

Dark and cold. Though he could feel a source of heat somewhere nearby, like when you can tell that the radiator is on, without touching it.

He reached out a cautious hand and jumped when his fingers brushed warm skin.

"Hello?" he asked tentatively.

"Moons! You're awake."

"Sirius?"

"The one and only."

"Err, I hate to sound stupid, but where are we and what are we doing in the dark?"

"We're in a cupboard. And it's dark because it's so late that the torches outside have gone out. How's your head? I saw it was bleeding."

"It's fine. Do you have your wand?"

"If I did, do you think we would still be in here?"

"Touché. I think Lilly took mine… yep. Gone. Err… can I sit a bit closer to you? I'm really cold."

"Sure."

Shuffling was followed by, "thanks. You're warm."

Silence… then the words that Sirius had been dreading.

"Is there any reason that Lilly locked us in a cupboard together? I assume it was her, as she was with me when it went black."

"Umm… you see… her and James decided that it was the best plan of action."

Remus consider for a moment.

"Plan of action for what? Or do I not want to know?"

Sirius almost sighed in relief.

"You don't want to know."

"Okay," Remus said "you think there might be some candle's in here?"

Sirius shrugged before remembering that Remus couldn't see him. A moment later Remus's heat pulled away from his side and there was a rustling noise.

"Ah ha! Found one. Or a small firework," there was a seconds pause "nope, definitely a candle."

"Good…"

There was the sound of a match being little and light flickered suddenly in the dark cupboard.

"That's better," Remus said, raising the candle and popping it on a bucket beside them "now I can see you."

"Why do you have matches?"

The side of Remus's face that Sirius could see in the candle light looked guilty. Silently the younger boy reached into his pocket and pulled out a packet of cigarettes.

"You smoke!"

"Hey! Don't act like you don't do it too. You and James are always leaning out the windows, fag in hand."

"It's different if it's you."

Remus could hear the embarrassment in Sirius's voice and couldn't help but think that the other boy sounded so cute.

"Why's it different if it's me, Siri?"

"Because I don't want anything to happen to you! So I want you to stop."

"What if I don't want anything to happen to you, either? Would you stop?"

"For you, yes."

"Then I want you to stop."

They shook on it.

They sat in silence for a little longer before Sirius snatched up the dropped packet of cigarettes and lit it from the candle. Remus looked scandalized.

"Sorry, Moons. Stressful situation. I need a hit of nicotine-y goodness."

"Why is being stuck in a cupboard with me stressful. And why are we in a cupboard anyway?"

"Do you promise you won't flip out if I tell you?"

"Promise you won't smoke."

Sirius growled and put of the cigarette with an angry stomp of his heel.

"Promise?"

"Promise."

"Really really really promise?"

"Sirius, for Merlin's sake, it can't be that bad. Just tell me before I stick this candle up your arse."

The scary thing was that Sirius knew that the other boy wasn't joking.

"Okay then… err… well… the thing is… the thing is… what the thing is is that I'm in love with you."

When he was greeted by only silence, he risked a glance up at his cupboard companion. Remus seemed to be frozen in shock.

"How… how long?"

"A couple of years."

"Years! Why the hell didn't you tell me?"

Sirius opened his mouth to apologise but was cut off.

"I've waited so long."

Suddenly soft lips were attacking his own and cool hands were sliding under his shirt and drawing patterns on the skin if his back, making him tingle. Sirius felt a wet tongue swipe across his bottom lip and opened his mouth obediently. Moments later there was a body in his lap and fingers unbuttoning his short.

"So long, Siri," Remus breathed, breaking the kiss and starting to nibble on Sirius's neck "much too long."

Sirius was vaguely aware of his short being pushed off his shoulders and down his arms before Remus's mouth returned to his own and he couldn't think about anything other than how good it felt to be kissing Remus at last. It was surprising, how dominant Remus was being. Surprising but definitely not unappreciated.

Sirius was just beginning to really enjoy the way Remus's soft fingertips dance across the skin of his abdomen when the other boy gave a small squeak and pulled away from him, as though only just realising what he was doing.

"I can't do this yet," Remus said, backing away to the other side of the cupboard, which was, admittedly, not very far away.

"I thought you said it had been too long," Sirius asked, confused but pulling his shirt back on anyway.

"It has, Siri," Remus said, looking almost apologetic but that might have been the candle light "so I can wait a little longer. First you have to take me on a date."

Sirius sighed in fake annoyance but relished in the prospect of taking Remus on a date and showing the world who the amber eyed boy belonged to.

"We can at least cuddle, right?" Sirius asked, holding his arms open in invitation.

Remus nodded and crawled over to him, snuggling into his embrace, falling asleep after mere minutes. Sirius smiled and made a mental not to thank Lilly and James at some point. After locking the two of them in a cupboard. See how they liked it. This made him smile again.

After a few minutes he too fell asleep and that's how James and Lilly found them next morning. Lilly said it was cute. James said it was too mushy.

**OOOOOO**

**A/N: **There we go. At last. Thank you for all the people who stuck with me through this. I love you all and I hope you liked my story.

Thanks to my reviews. I hope you review this chapter too. It would make me very happy.


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